The Vortex
The Vortex could be described as a merry roller coaster: it has its ups and downs, and the occasional bumps here and there (usually trolls). We are like a family at times…albeit an odd one and slightly crazy in the head, we still stick up for each other, are there for one another, and just chill the rest of the time. The room used to be far worse in times of old: a festering troll pit of horror, death and decay until the light of the newcoming regulars shone upon this room, great people who over the years have steadily come into the community and made it a better (albeit more insane in the 'ole membrane) place. From the oldies like GHEZ119 to the young, ripe n' ready Gameinater, from the GameMasters to the Chatmasters, from the silly geese to the serious souls, the Vortex is filled with people that will...let's say...spice up your day! Regulars The men, women, boys and girls who are listed below are the steadfast, reliable members of our community, in The Vortex for countless hours, gaming, chatting, working, partying, or eating Carrot Cake. Without them this room would be a much different place, but each of their unique aspects is a thread in the quilt of The Vortex, and here we recognize them: Agent_86 (Moved regular no longer at vortex) :Somewhere, in the vastenss known as the universe, there is a galaxy, known as the milky way. Tucked into the corner of that galaxy is a planet known as earth. On that planet, on the north-western continent, is a town called Monrovia. Start in the town square. Make a left, a right, and another left. There you will find a young man sitting at his computer, typing away. But he isn't really at his computer. He is actually inside the mystery known only as The Vortex. He is leaning against the wall in a dark blue suit, making sure everyone knows of his presence, yet conveying his emotions and intentions without saying a word. Suddenly, chaos erupts. Out of nowhere, someone who nobody recognizes unleashes a rampage of profanity and violence, destroying all around him. Then, just as suddenly, the figure in the dark blue suit moves toward the rampaging troll. "This is your one and only warning. Cease now or face the consequences," the figure coolly inserts into the chaos. But the troll could not hear the warning through all the noise he was creating. After waiting another while, the man in the dark blue suit reaches for something under his jacket. A faint gleam is all that is seen of the bangun before a loud and distinct BANG echoes around the room. All is silent for a moment, but the dull thud of the transgressor falling into the jet-black depths of The Vortex breaks that silence. After the man in the dark blue suit calmly walks back to his place against the wall, the room slowly returns to normal, and the rampaging troll is soon forgotten. : : : Azurebalmung :One Dude. One Passion. One Desire. He mods like a professional and fears nothing (Ahahaha). Azure is the resident room master-dominatrix-gamesage-dudeguy here in the vortex, and has owned it since February. For an entire year he has been here, and his hours are long too (to say the least). Usually on for longer than he should be…around 7 in the morning to 10 at night in CST...so if you’ve got any questions as far as tips go (nothing that you could easily google for, mind you), fire away. He’ll give you some epic advice that will rock dah house :p : : : Batillion233 (no longer a reg) :Once upon a time, in a land very very near here, this master of the touchpad and halo 3 addict, epic sword of Kewl in his hand, burst into the Vortex, prepared to ‘esplode up to seventeen Toe-eating coffin-pokers with incomparable rage. As you can see, he is one of the most random/randumb people that you’ll ever run into. From running around and scaring people with his lizard to simply playing the electric guitar, Batillion once even tried to make a game. Alas, it crashed his computer, leaving him nothing to complete his usual seeding of bittorrent with, but his connection with the internetz was renewed. Once again he thrives in this room, as strong as ever, throwing lizards at people at every opportunity. Oh, and did I mention he likes lizards? : : : Chadworthy :Chad is a determined gamer who hangs out in The Vortex, and only in The Vortex (loyalty for the win!). On occasion one will enter the room and find him spending days on end in gaming mode, striving to get the newest badges. ‘Tis monotonous, and he couldn’t complete it all without his friendly friends in The Vortex! It’s a wonderful room, especially in his opinion, with awesome people (Supersmash is mah gaming buddeh), and thank goodness Azure is there in those few cases when he needs to brandish his banhammah! Everyone, including our other resident mods, all keep the room in order if he ever IS offline (real rare, believe it or not), and in the end it all works out. Chad has been gaming with The Vortex as his chat room for about a year and a half, and will continue his loyalty for years to come. On a more personal note, he also enjoys ballroom dancing, and practices the devious art of keeping his neighbors up into the wee hours of the night by playing rad tunes on his drum set :p. : : : Cryptosporidian :I think, therefore I am, and yet the Crypto you think you know is shrouded in mystery, a true enigma who no one has solved. The information is sparse, and tightly guarded, but such obscurity takes nothing away from amiability and friendliness, which I dare think I hold in abundance. In all honesty I surround myself only with my closest friends, but reach out to most anyone who needs me, for well-directed charity is as much of a virtue as anything else. Moving on, a quick look at the Cryptimeline. my first home on Kongregate was Zero Axis, the room I was “born” into. For five months I had resided there, but eventually was driven out by a host of rancorous and bitter people. Seeking refuge in the Chill Lounge for two weeks, similar folk drove me out of there (not to discount many great people from these rooms with whom I still am friendly with) and into the Vortex, which I have made into my home, and for four months I’ve been swirling around in the wormholes of friends, trolls, drama, intellectuality, and bliss that riddle it. In these situations the multiplicity of myself shows. Depending on but not exclusive to the situation I’m happy to engage in conversations ranging from mindless to humorous to serious to cognitive, but of course that doesn’t mean only talking, for listening is certainly imperative to conversation and enhances it greatly. As a result in talking with me you’ll experience a mix of the two, hopefully balanced enough, and from these conversations I’d hope that you gather positive things about my nature. Nonetheless I’m seen in different lights and given different tags, most of which are true. You might see me as the Link Master with epic linkin’ skillage, the moderator who’s relaxed and carefree, maybe the moderator who’s serious. You could see in this node of a community an intellectually insane workhorse, an absurdly silly fella with tons of malarkey, tomfoolery, and shenanigans up his/her sleve, or a truly caring person who stands out among all of those people who’s eyes glaze over after about 30 seconds because they have other things more important to do in their mind. Now I don’t seek to laud myself here, we all have our days and flaws, but in my case I strive to plant the seeds of greatness that will grow to maturity and far overshadow the foolishness that I might have on occasion. Now, being the psychotic Modly enforcer that I am, I brought with me some words of wisdom about unpleasant chat peoples who I tend to bop on the head. Attention seeking chat ruiners rub me the wrong way, whether they have due reason or not, and I take many measures to make sure that they do not plague my residence or adulterate the room in any way. I have discovered that they are the most palatable silenced, after being covered in a light raspberry vinegarette, then cooked at 375 degrees for twelve minutes and served with a delicious side of au graten potatoes, but that’s just my culinary opinion. Oddly enough, they are also very mathematical, for they add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance. But I have other hobbies besides completing homework and swinging magic hammers coated with BanSauce at people. Among these are slaying DramaLlama’s, creating helpful threads and other works of text (You can view the wikipedia entry I created on The Vortex by clicking on my website), and debating. Now what else can I possibly add to this little piece to possibly try to validate my existence? ::Searches through files:: Ah, here we go! July 09, 2009. Such a beautiful, sunny summer afternoon it was. The birds were chirping, the Rhymocerous' were frolicking, and we were upon the last day of ModCollege. So vividly i remember the procession, having my shiny orange M pinned to my lapel, and the sound of the bagpipes that ended the ordeal. We had made it. Modship. Now I'm not a meaniedoodle when it comes to my Modding tendencies. I see nothing wrong with a lil' dirty joke or two or three, but when it comes to outright harassment, spam, vulgarity, and the like, I go from epic chillaxness (the state I'm in most of the time :P) to Tomfoolery-bashing troll-slayer D: In short, if you're cool, I'm cool with you, and try as hard as you can not to leave that state of coolness, please! Finally, before I leave you with some great gems I’ve accumulated from chatting over the months, I’d like to leave you with some of my advice on living. Take it or don’t, but at the least consider it. First of all constantly examine your life and strive to make yourself the best person you can be, remembering that “An unexamined life is not worth living” -Socrates. Secondly remember that you have control over your life, whatever seeds you plant for yourself will grow to maturity. You can plant the seeds of apathy and become vegetative as well as worthless; plant the seeds of overriding emotion and you shall become brutish, that is to say foolish and misled; plant the seeds of rationality and become a lauded being; or plant the seeds of true intellectuality and become great, divine, and happy in the lot of no created thing. In this you can withdraw into the center of your own unity and spirit, be made one with the transcendent, and in solitary light set yourself above all things, surpassing them all. : : : Denninja :Inside the playful shell hides a malicious presence that will strike fear into the rotten heart of any troll, for agony will be inflicted even after the ninja's target begs for mercy. This assassin of the night has yet to be captured for investigation, further information unavailable. : : : Gameinater :This fellow originated in a cottage east of Zanzibar, south of the south pole, and 5 feet above where he is sitting at this very moment. After many harsh years of torment and malice, he realized that the sweat and blood that he had given up to save the bees, trees, whales and snails that lived under the cottage was not worth it, and so he ran away to live with the butterflies. Now, you normal humans may think that this is fruity, but in actuality butterflies are vicious, bloodthirsty monsters, and yet, taking a liking to Gaminater, showed him the ways of fang and claw. After his training was complete, he (now a hulking brute :P) entered the land of Nerdopolis, where he has been ever since. From this lofty world he sometimes enters the realm of the Vortex. Here he enjoys hanging out, watching it's inhabitants, and eating while watching it's inhabitants. In addition, he gives many a hug to many a fellow from many a place, many of whom he does not know, and yet such does not matter. And of course all of this is done through his extremely overworked computer, which he is either complimenting, or cursing at with the rage of many, many suns. Finally, he gives a shout-out to Shaunna, 'ze Best Gaming Buddeh EVAR (They even solved a difficult mystery game once without a single hint or walkthrough)! : : : GHEZ119 :The Legend. It’s...it’s true! GHEZ, has arrived. You can call him that or George, his forename. The longest-standing regular in The Vortex, he is definitely an above average gamer (544 badges, 101 kongai cards, and Level 37 awesomesauce ^_^). Care to exchange ideas? GHEZ is game for anything: Sportz, Gamez, Peoplez, Eventz, even Teh babez o.0. His favorite games most often fall under the category of Strategy, but there are others he enjoys such as the Amberial series. Moreover, one of his favorite hobbies is making game guides and walkthroughs, as well as helping others hone their gaming skills, because if you’ve got a gift, he strongly thinks that you should share it :D : : : Izdan :The village idiot has stumbled onto the stage of room-wide acclaim! Izdan, which is his nickname in real life (hence his username if you can’t put 2 and 2 together silly :P) has a penchant for yummy cookies, especially those gargantuan ones with the little candies with the different colors with the m’s and m’s, and also takes his snazzy two wheeler for tours around the neighborhood. Furthermore, he basketballz with his lil bro, and hangz around with his twin one. When it comes to the world of epic gaming, he may not be able to Pwn those in the role playing genre, but those are his favorite on kongregate, and off of it he rocks final fantasy twelve. So join the Iz-meister in the Vortex today, and he’ll give you a free ivory back-scratcher, no questions asked :D : : : JolietJuggalo :Joliet is a beast at pretty much everything, an amazing person. He's a true Juggalo, and loves his family. Is very close friends with Cryptosporidian, they've been tight since way before he/she became a mod. Easy to get a long with, though can get pissed off. He is in high school, and is the funny kid at school. He is Jewish and is also known to sometimes say "Damn Jews", for seemingly no reason at all, however he means nothing by it. One of the freshest people on Kong. He keeps up with Naruto's manga and anime show regularly. He wears Jordans. He has been called cute on many occasions, though he doesn’t see why, he is quite the charmer, and girls just love him. He can be a dick, but thats only when provoked. Joliet is a proud stoner, he loves to get high. He isn’t an everyday smoker, just once every now and then. He has been in the psychiatric hospital not one, count em, 2 times, he has some issues, so best not argue with him. His favorite music artists include the Insane Clown Posse, Twiztid, Blaze Ya Dead Homie, AnyBody Killa, Boondox, T.I, Jonas Brothers, Nelly, S Club 7, and Soulja Boy Tell Em. He is not gay, strictly likes women, no exceptions. : : : Kli1195 :Your typical gamer...If your typical gamer was an eccentric weirdo who loves Kongregate as well as KoL (KoL n. Kingdom of Loathing -Noob Dictionary), and we all know that anyone who plays KoL is automatically a weirdo. And yet despite his weirdness, he’s the coolest guy with numb3r5 in his name. Well…maybe that title is shared with Ghez...nah, Kli wins! :D. Anyways, time to hit the KliTimeline: He started out in Existinential Crisis, only to discover that there everyone fails at this thing known as “chatting”. So he moved to Impossible is Nothing, but extensive studies which he conducted have shown that nine times out of ten they suck compared to The Vortex. Also, (Sly Mod Kiss-up phrase Warning!) he shares a hatred of trolls, and knows just as well as anyone that they taste pretty good when you cook ‘em right :D. Furthermore, he shares a deep, dark secret that only Ghez, Azure, and Kyno know (and Crypto’s on the verge of finding out! :O). Now despite the fact that putting this deep dark secret notice on here is probably counter-productive, he wants you to remember not to ask them what it is, or he will personally gut you like a cow. Moving on, his name is sort of a joke with members of The Vortex. Well, who are we kidding, it IS a joke, a total joke. Apparently, they think it’s funny to call him Kil. Go figure. Our reporter on the scene tells us that he has no problem with that, except that you can’t call him that (yet another counter-productive chunk o’ text from your friends at Kli-industries). Yes, YOU can NOT call him that. Only certain people can and if you aren’t one of them, then he will once again employ my cow-gutting activities on you. Now, finally, to get to some non-kong things that actually matter in life! He plays the piano and violin, and intends to get a Master’s Degree in MIT. Which…he probably won’t be able to afford because he’s too cool for cash. So U. of M. will be his second choice. Also, on the musical topic, his favorite musicians include Coldplay, Isaac Shepard, Ben Folds, and ParagonX9. And as aforementioned, Kil (I mean Kli, kli, sorry, don’t gut me!!!) is currently obsessed with KoL, and as a result you’ll see him on there often. Go say hi to him sometime (or else face extremely harsh torture penalties) and share the love with your fellow Vortexians! : : : Kynosaur :This smexy Kynojellyphailasaurus is a 17 year old Englander who enjoys the arts of piano, guitar, and tap dancing, as well as Flash-gaming and Rubix cubing. He was in and out of private school throughout his life, and is currently in the Accelerated Christian Education program for home education, with an aspiration to get a degree in music. What he uses it for he is not quite sure, for teaching, solo and group performances are all possibilities. On another musical note (pun intended), he listens to the music of Rhapsody of Fire, DragonForce, Issac Shephard, and and Powerglove. Kye of Kyland’s gamer instinct that he employs on Kongregate was honed at a young age by his old Sega Mega Drive and Gameboy Colour, and with his fast learning skills used Guitar Hero, Final Fantasy 12, and other games on his Playstation 2 to continue to prove his ability. Shifting gears, Teh Mighty Kye likes food, among the other things he has hinted at, and always enjoys a good hug. So game on, Kynophail, and show them Vortexians how great you are! : : : Omegagamr :James Bond theme music* The name’s Gamr. Omegagamr. Hailing from Florida, he was born a Vortexian and was raised in its image. He is known for his immediate acceptance of the newer users, being one of the first to add them as friends and welcome them in an effort to make the ever-growing vortex family even bigger. Furthermore, he shares with many other regulars the hatred for trolls, and is usually Cryptos right hand man, waiting to hand teh banhammah to him/her. In this light, he’s an aspiring mod, but we all know that he won’t become one for a loooooong time >_<. In a nutshell, Omegagamr is a great person, but he turns into a pumpkin (30’s slang for grumpy, all you new-age teenyboppers :P) at the slightest annoyance. In addition, he is an O.D.S.T. (A reference to the Orbital Drop Shock Troopers. -Noob Dictionary) freak, watching, lurking, waiting for the game to come out. On a similar note, Omega also loves Role Play, especially free-for-all brawls, but he only has one RP character. Yup, you guessed it (Or did you o.0) (Yea, you did) (But you might not have o.0) an O.D.S.T. soldier. In humble conclusion, when not playing games on kong or chatting, Omegagamr can be found playing his 360, hanging out with friends, or taking long walks on the beach ;) : : : Orangeeater :Hello All. I’m happy to say that I have been on kongregate since November 11’th, and i think that that tenure professes my enjoyment of this website (The vortex has been my home since i was a lvl 2 and i have a lot of fun there too :D) I like orange, as my name might suggest, and I like to mess around with my friends in the Vortex. Though Role Play Games are undoubtedly my favorite, it turns out that I enjoy just about any kind of game as long as I am entertained. Furthermore, I don’t like mean people, but i do I like people who, like myself, mess around with one another. Stop by the vortex someday, I’m there often, and I’d be happy to meet you. : : : Rikuii :The 911 operator. That's right, THE 911 operator, anyone else who claims to be one is a scheming fake He is often know for being idle watching the chat...lurking...waiting to strike...and playing his FantasticallyEpicSauce Ps2 or some other Game Playing DoohickeyContraption...but is always watching (waiting, lurking, etc., you get the whole deal by now) the chat for a troll or two or five. Furthermore, often the government agency's commissioned to surveil him find that he randomly carry’s fun and in-tell-ect-chu-ul conversations with moderators or other types of users and has been particularly identifiable due to the troll report on his profile. Yet, residing in The Vortex he also slumbers and bores, chatting and yatting. Who knows what goes on in the odd mind of rikuii…. : : : Salakzar :The helpful, fine ‘ole fella from Sector Zr76, on 11’th planet from the moon of Omnor. He will assist those who need it, even his sisters, despite their annoying tendencies, and will always lend an ear to those who chat, though that ear is lent better when he is bored :p. Despite his kind and loving nature, however, he is power-hungry, so you better watch out. Some of this hunger for success is vented through is desire to be a SUPER GAMAH, and as a level twenty three Vortexian, that may show that he may indeed be an epic gamer in the making. Since March 15, 2008 Salakzar has balanced Kongregate and playing sports, his two favorite things to do, and he doesn’t plan on stopping either of them soon. : : : : : : Skywerwolf :He is a mildly obese male, yet he has taken 3 martial arts over the years, including Tae Qwon Do (He’s good at it too :p). Also, he has Attention Deficit Disorder, and therefore is unable to focus unless there is good reason to. Nonetheless, he is expert at focusing, enjoying, and completing those things that are his interests, among which are video games, weapons, and being a furry. Furthermore, Skywerwolf practices something called energy control. At a young age he claimed to see socks floating in the air, but sadly he became the school reject for a year as a result. Thankfully, after that, almost everybody forgot it, and since he has told virtually no one about it. Finally, from time to time he will have a premonition, usually in the form of Deja Vu. : : : Supersmash :Codename: Smah Location: Classified Rank: Pwn Skillage He is one fluid motion, dodging here and there. Oddly enough, he enjoys a noob-tastic stupidsauce troll every now and then to mess around with, but can, will, would, should, and shall participate in any intelligent convo. He enjoys ballroom dance (Take a good look at him, ladies ;-) ), same as Chadworthy, who happens to be his best friend in that ever distant place known as “the real world”. Yup, it exists, right outside that bedroom (I know, its sounds crazy, few have ever ventured forth from kongregate into it). He loves music, games, and newoM (the Wimminz, you nubz :P) Hit him up! XD : : : Theoria (No longer vortex regular) :Drumroll:: Ryan (a.k.a. TheoriaTron 2.0) is here! Comprised of pickiness, smexxiness, and epicness, this fellow, in his natural habitat, can be found in chat often wasted on Venom Energy. Being the caffeine addict that he is (You can tell, believe me), he stayed up late with the bats and nocturnal anteaters to create the RPG “Theoria” (Coincidence? I think not!). ::Sirens:: Warning! Warning! Theoria is known to have Random ADHD outbursts and thrive in HuggleFests. Recommended course of action: Keep him chained! Quotes we love For fun, eh? One might say that favorite quotes might describe the tastes of a person, another may claim that they’re just a way we express a little humor. Serious quotes, silly quotes, all our favorite words from people across the globe (and from ourselves) are here below ' '''From Agent_86: Missed it by that much... '-Himself''' the only thing Internet Explorer is good for is for downloading Firefox '-Himself' From Azurebalmung: WWE? Note the E, for Entertainment. It's the male form of a soap opera '-Himself' Let's put it this way, if you took pleasure in annoying people here then you took those skills to real life, you would simply be thrown into jail with hulking gorillas with 12 inch stiffies '-Himself' Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me - I quit. '-Bill Maher' Halt! Hammerzeit! - Himself From Batillion233: It's about a lot of...you know...things.' -Theoria' Iz can haz cheezburger '-Lolcat' From Cryptosporidian: Solutions are not the answer!' -Richard Nixon' Your hand is not your girlfriend... '-Mr.HighScore' You know, one of the greatest pleasures in life is doing what people say you cannot do. '-Anonymous' From Gameinater: Agent knows what I want for Christmas...heheheh '-Himself' Ooh, Kitteh! *Eatz* '-Himself' From GHEZ119: The first rule is; there are no rules." '- Gohan' Normal is over-rated''' - Gohan''' From Jay_Remie: LEEEEROOOOOY JEEEENKIIIINS!!! '-Leroy Jenkins' All your base are belong to us '-Cats' I bet'cha can't stick 'em '-Cortana' From JolietJuggalo: Will I be killed before I die, or will I die before I'm killed? '-Dragon Ball Z' We’re not kids anymore. '-Himself' From Kynosaur: Some of the world's greatest feats were achieved by those too stupid to know they were impossible '-Doug Larson' We are like angels with only one wing. We can only fly when we embrace. – Anon I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like a morning mist. Return to me, for I have redeemed you. '-Isaiah 44:22 ' Kynophail is the master of phail. If he says something is phail, you'd better believe it '- GHEZ119' From Kli1195: Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition! The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it’s my very good honour to meet you and you may call me V.  '- V' From Omegagamr: You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. '-Homer Simpson' Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling? '-Anonymous' Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it. '-Anonymous' From Orangeeater: I’ll be back. '-The Terminator ' Terminated. '-The Terminator ' From Rikuii: Murder mayhem, Its all the same '-Himself' And another one bites the dust '-Queen' JUST SAY YES…or no either ones a good answer. '-Himself' Managing to join the conversation is one thing but understanding what it is in a different thing… '-Himself' From Salakzar: Children, let that be a lesson to you: Kids never learn. -'Homer Simpson ' Let us now bear ourselves, so that a thousand years from now men will still say: 'This was their finest hour. -'Winston Churchill' From Skywerwolf: It takes 3 lifetimes of creativity to make a planet but only one day of hate to destroy it. -'Himself' I'm an idiot savant. I'm stupid most of the time but i am still useful in more ways than i look. -'Himself' I am an unappreciated being. -'Himself' Being right too soon is socially unacceptable. -'Robert Heinlein' Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. -'Robert Heinlein' The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive. -'Robert Heinlein' Men rarely (if ever) manage to dream up a god superior to themselves. Most gods have the manners and morals of a spoiled child. -'Robert Heinlein' From Supersmash: I'd be your father, but the dog beat me up the stairs. '-Kamikazemelonman' Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.' - Douglas Adams ' The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory. '-Anonymous' Most Pick-Up lines are failures and embarrassing for someone.' -Himself & Chadworthy' From Theoria: If Palin and Oprah were in the 2012 election, who would you vote for?...I'd move to England '-Himself & Renae92' I ride the short bus. '-Common Phrase' "I'm not coming outta the closet" "So you can just go a-way!" -'Himself (trying to cover up corn failure)' Vortex Vocables The Vortex, one of the most active chats on the Southern side of the Kongiverse, has it's fair share of quotable moments. Whether it be Kynosaur with a phantastically phail phrase, or Azure with his witty banter, there are plenty of "ahaha" moments that shall be immortalized here. ---- *'Cryptosporidian:' Jester haz lady parts too o.o *' JesterX:' yep =o * 'JesterX: '''They even work! ---- *'Theoria': Doing our own epic poetry ATM. *'Theoria': "Sing in me Muse, and through me tell the story Of that man skilled in all ways of interrupting, The charlatan prince, deterred for years on end, After he interrupted Taylor Swift In the prodigious MTV Video Music Awards " *'azurebalmung': bahahahaha *'azurebalmung': i hereby deem this poem the azure seal of approval ---- *'Kynosaur:' 170 yrs old? Does you birth certificate say "expired"? ---- *'Perfec7:' *wistles and walks away *'Perfec7:' wisttles *'Perfec7:' wisstles *'Perfec7:' wow *'Cryptosporidian:' you gotta spel stuff right! :P * '''Cryptosporidian:' OH THE IRONY ---- *'Agent_86:' ah, I feel better now *'Agent_86:' *is wondering why chat died* *'Cryptosporidian': All because of YOU! *'Cryptosporidian': Murderer! *'Agent_86': lol *'Agent_86:' I just took a crap * Agent_86: now I'm a murderer ---- *'azurebalmung:' i make the rules *'azurebalmung: '''foo *'Cryptosporidian:' *makes some rules, cooks at 375 degrees, serves with a side of potato salad* *'Cryptosporidian:' Take that Az :P *'azurebalmung:' *prepares rules in a simmering sauce, poured over some breaded Parmesan Chicken with bowtie pasta, grated parmesan and seasoned salt on the top *'azurebalmung: a hint of lemon on the chicken* *'''Cryptosporidian: Hm...*is about to pwn that* *'azurebalmung:' i is chef pwn *'Cryptosporidian:' I is too foo *'azurebalmung: '''my blind grandmother with one arm could easily out cook you with her nose pinched *'Cryptosporidian:' *prepares rules, delicacy enjoyed by many. It has a sweet, creamy taste and a crunchy and smooth texture, all in the same bite* *'azurebalmung': it's too good to be true... *'azurebalmung:' *tastes* *'azurebalmung:' you added iocane powder didn't you D:! *'Cryptosporidian': <.< *'Cryptosporidian:' >.> *'Cryptosporidian:' Shh! *'azurebalmung:' you poisoned everyone here fool! ---- *'Cryptosporidian: two girls one sandwich -_- *'''Varyx: needs more mayo ---- *'Jessness:' -comes back with male strippers- *'Didueatmycookie:' Um *'penguinfan111:' woah Jess NO *'penguinfan111:' im not like that.'' '' *'Jessness: '''awww *'Didueatmycookie:' Just put those away Jess *'azurebalmung: aw does that mean i have to go away? ---- *'''BeenHereBefore: lesbians are officially not allowed in here on behalf of shaunna O.o *'azurebalmung': >.> *'azurebalmung': *leaves* ---- *'Jay_Remie: '''hear it is *'Jay_Remie: nine boyscouts stuffed into a space that wouldn't fit 7 *'Denninja: '''Scary!!!!! fapfapfapfapfapfapfap *'Denninja: 'errrr... *'Jay_Remie: Your fapping to boyscouts?!?!?! *'Denninja: '''oh *'Denninja: worst *'Denninja: '''timing *'Denninja: 'ever *'Jay_Remie: lmao ---- *'JolietJuggalo': hey *'JolietJuggalo': lets start a rumor about some one, and go post it in a room, and see if it travels across kong *'azurebalmung': maybe this "JolietJuggalo is evidently attracted to two girls one cup" *'azurebalmung': :D *'JolietJuggalo': so what if i am? *'azurebalmung': *spills coke on floor* *'azurebalmung': *screenies* ---- *'Denninja': The Bermuda Triangle started in Florida. Memorable Moments Below is running list of all the memorable occasions from the ye 'ole to the recent history of The Vortex. Some are huge, some aren't so huge, but nonetheless they are the moments that stick in the minds of the regulars and deserves to be recorded. March 9, 2008: The Vortex has its first forum! February 26, 2009: Azurebalmung becomes the Owner of The Vortex. April 20, 2009: Azurebalmung is torn from Kongregate by his Mother. June 06, 2009: Azurebalmung is Re-united with The Vortex. A party ensued. July 09, 2009: Cryptosporidian becomes a Moderator! July 13, 2009: Cryptosporidian creates the Vortex Kongregate wiki! ::Cheers:: November 27, 2009: ' Shaunnana is deemed an official regular. '''December 02, 2009: ' Batillion233 is deemed an official regular. 'December 19, 2009: ' Agent_86, devoted regular of The Vortex, is made a Moderator! 'December 20, 2009: ' Gaminater is deemed an official regular. 'June 01, 2010: ' Skywerewolf declares old vortex dead for half a year. many regulars moved. '''Vortexmon Once upon in a time in a wormhole far, far away, above a town in a distant land that had recently been ravaged by local Cookie Monsters, there spewed forth a great amount of beasts, of all types, shapes and kinds. The users of the Vortex had realized that this wormhole had delivered the Pokemon that they always dreamt of! The following are informations gathered from brief encounters with these beasts. '''Name: '''99 '''Type: '''Ghost '''Description: '''Usually out at night, this pokemon is said to follow its prey for hours then use Attract and Confuse Ray to draw it in. It also attacks humans. '''Attacks/Abilities: '''Thief..........Karate Chop..........Confuse Ray..........Attract '''Name: '''Azure '''Type: '''Fire - Flying '''Description: '''A legendary pokemon, rumored to be from another world, Azure only descends every thousand year. It's mere presence may bring great fortune or great disaster, as it's rage has no limits, capable of destroying entire galaxies with it's might. Who knows what may happen if someone manages to control such a beast of legend... '''Attacks/Abilities: '''Hyper Beam..........Roar of Time..........Aerial Ace..........Aurora Beam '''Name: '''Batty '''Type: '''Dark - Flying '''Description: '''Never comes out in the day, appears like a large bat and preys on humans. Good luck catching him, boys and girls. '''Attacks/Abilities: '''Fly..........Steal..........Self Destruct..........Swallow '''Name: '''Chadworthysonladshirekin '''Type: '''Ground - Dragon '''Description: '''A very agile Dragon pokemon that lives near the earth’s core but takes to the skies to feed on...the Ozone!! It pretty much does what it wants. '''Attacks/Abilities: '''Outrage ..........Dig.......... Fissure ..........Fly Name: 'Crypta '''Type: '''Ghost - Psychic '''Description: '''From the dark matter of the ominous Vortex sprung forth a ghastly being, quite ominous in presence and thoroughly destructive in nature. It is as sweet, kind, and loving a pokemon to its trainer as any pokemon could be (seeing as this is rare though, only few exist and an extraordinarily small amount have been tamed). Yet to its enemy Crypta is a terribly powerful foe which will have its enormous wrath rain down. '''Attacks/Abilities: '''Judgement.........Draco meteor..........Roar of time..........Blast Burn '''Name: '''Cannabisia '''Type: '''Grass '''Description: '''Cannibisia is a grass type pokemon that has the appearance of a big bushy marijuana stalk. This pokemon has real marijuana leaves growing off the outer layer of skin, they can come off without harming the pokemon, and they will fully grow back in less than 24 hours. Cannibisia can create a smokescreen that makes whoever gets caught in it feel like they just took a huge hit of some bomb dro, then followed that up by smokin 4 blunts and 2 joints. The high created by this smokescreen can last anywhere from 5 hours to 7 hours. Sometimes it can be heard making a bubbling noise. '''Attacks/Abilities: '''Aromatherapy..........Razor Leaf..........Worry Seed..........Smokescreen '''Name: '''Dennightmare '''Type: '''Dark - Ghost '''Description: '''Demonic warrior clad in cursed armor, ever in search of souls to consume for more power. Attacks prey using giant ghost claws and a blade formed from dark energy, then absorbs the victim's life force to increase his own abilities. '''Attacks/Abilities: '''Shadow Force.........Doom Desire........Sheer Cold........Spacial Rend.....(Ability)-Wonder Guard '''Name: '''Gameamon '''Type: '''Water '''Description: '''This monster, who slightly resembles Pedobear, is said to make anyone that sees it feel quite awkward and oftentimes desperate. In addition, Vortexmon trainers have concluded that it often Rawr's at completely random times, and and it isn't out of the question to see it dance while doing so. As a result, it is most definitely a creature you want to keep your kids away from. '''Attacks/Abilities: '''Watergun..........Hyperbeam..........Tackle..........Tailwhip '''Name: '''Hobo '''Type: '''Normal Fighting '''Description: '''What we have here is your typical example of hobo sapiens, identifiable by his scruffy beard, bent top-hat with the top opened like a tin can, and the fact that he’s trying to mug you with a length of old two-by-four. And yes, looking at his abilities, the Hobo ''can and will explode. '''Attacks/Abilities: '''Thief..........Cut..........Leech Life..........Explosion '''Name: '''Miso '''Type: '''Normal '''Description: '''Cat like creature with razor sharp claws and a spike on it's tail. 'Tis usually found in deserts. '''Attacks/Abilities: '''Fury Swipes..........Quick Attack..........Rapid Spin..........Tail Whip '''Name: '''Mustache Man '''Type: '''Dark '''Description: '''A hateful cretin whose worthless, puss-spewing hide is a disgusting pimple on the face of the internetz. Also, he has 'ze Epic 'stache. '''Attacks/Abilities: '''Thief..........Self-Destruct..........Tackle..........Smoke Screen '''Name: '''Orangeplosion '''Type: '''Fighting - Fire '''Description: '''A giant orange creature with high strength that can 'splode many things at a snap of a finger. '''Attacks/Abilities: '''Blaze Kick..........Ember..........Double kick..........Dynamic punch '''Name: '''Rinimon '''Type: '''Dark '''Description: '''A lazy dog-cat-fish-thing who sits in the emo corner attacking itself. To have this one would be oddly foolish, but hey YOU got one!~ '''Attacks/Abilities: '''Cut..........Suicide..........Yawn..........Hyperbeam '''The Declaration of the Vortex For the longest time, The Vortex was under the rule of a despotic troll regime, one headed by the despicable and monstrous troll who shall not be named. The regulars were downtrodden and oppressed, held hostage under the iron fist of spam and harassment. Until finally, one day, United under the banner of Freedom, they forged a declaration, written below. When in the course of Kongregational events it becomes imperative for The Vortex Regulars to dissolve the oppressive powers which have put them beneath another entity and to assume among the powers of The Vortex, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Greer and of Nature's Overlord entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of Kongregate users requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the relinquishing of said unrighteous powers. We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all Regulars (disenfranchising and omitting trolls, newbs, n00bz, and visitors) are created with general equality, that they are endowed by the mighty Greg with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Chat, more Chat, and the pursuit of Happiness -That to secure these Greg-Given rights, Governments are instituted among Regulars, deriving their just powers solely from the will of the presiding Moderator- That whenever an institution of Trollish despotism becomes destructive of these ends through Spam, Harassment, extremely inappropriate behavior, hateful language, or other despicable practices, it is the Right of the Regulars to epically Pwn’z0r it, and to institute new system of chat, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, Domo, and Lolcats, indeed, will dictate that Chat Rooms long established should neither be epically Pwn’z0r’d nor Pwn’d in a minor fashion for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that Kongregaters are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of trollish behavior and oppression, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Trolls, and to provide new Guards, such as Moderators and Room Owners, for their future security. Such has been the patient sufferance of these poor, weathered Regulars; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former System of Rule. The history of the present Trollmeister is a history of repeated harassments and links to pr0n, all having in direct object the establishment of Chat-driven misery over these regulars. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid Kongreverse. He has refused his Assent to abide by the Code of Conduct, a set of rules most wholesome and necessary for the good of all Kongregate Users. He has forbidden his good, Regular underlings to pass statutes of immediate and pressing importance, or suspended their operation till his Assent should be obtained, which never pulled through, for such statutes were an offense to the institute of trolling; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them. He has refused to pass other Laws to restrict negative behavior and preserve the sanity of the regulars, unless those people would relinquish the right to their protected happiness, a right inestimable to them and destroyed beneath tyrannic Trollmeisters only. He has called together legislative bodies consisting only of Anarchical Trolls, at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from The Vortex, for the sole purpose of fatiguing Regulars into compliance with his measures, and keeping them in the realm of ignorance. He has filled the Representative House of the Regulars repeatedly with Spam, causing unspeakable stench, for opposing with what little power they had his invasions on the rights of they, the Regulars. He has refused for a long time the right of those other than trolls and Pedobears to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; The Vortex remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of blatant invasions of n00bs from without, and convulsions (get your mind out of the gutter, dude) within. He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by bringing upon the chat none other than totalitarian rule of troll and anarchical behavior, whilst giving positions solely to them. He has made Users dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries, and as a result, along with the threat of massive PM nuking and dreaded Zalgo Text implementation, has brutally forced them to adopt trollish tendencies, and henceforth causing their conscious internetz beings to adopt it. He has erected (Once again, get your mind OUT of the gutter!) a multitude of New Offices, among which but not restricted to Senior Advisor of Trolls, Secretary of Homeland Trolling, Undersecretary of Spam, Director of Chatroom annoyance, Assistant Troll of Chatroom sub-affairs, CompTroller, and Chef of Trollsauce, and sent hither swarms of Trolls to harass our people and eat out their substance (Damnit, fool, how many times do I have to tell you to get your mind out of the gutter!). He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Hordes armed with containers of Spam without the Consent of our Regulars. He has affected to render the Hordes independent of and superior to the Regulars. He has combined with heathen users of other chatrooms and even other gaming websites to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our Vortexian way of life, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation: For cutting off our communication with the currently foreign Moderators and Administrators, leaving us helpless. For ChatNuking us violently on various occasions. For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of peaceful Chat. For transporting us to The Remnants of Disputed Galaxies to be tried by Achievement Addicts in Bowser’s Castle in the Cookie Kingdom, which happens to be powered solely by a Difference Engine made in Bat Country from Eggstraordinarily Didactic Fractals and the remains of Chocolate Hostages, by minions in Games Workshop, next to Cafe Kong in The Mall, who believed that Impossible is Nothing and that one day they would Map the Problematique, suffering from Myrmecophobia be damned, and reach Paradise. He has plundered The Vortex’s wormholes, ravaged it’s black holes, burnt it’s space stations, and destroyed the lives of our people. He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized Chat Room. In every stage of these Oppressions We, The esteemed Regulars, have Petitioned in the Forums for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated overly sexual language. A Trollmeister, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define an inappropriate pussbag on the skin of humanity, is unfit to be the ruler of The Vortexian People. We, therefore, the Representatives of the Vortex Regulars, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good Kongregate Users, solemnly publish and declare, That this Vortex, united, and of Right, ought to be Free of the Trollmeister’s unjust Tyranny, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to his hateful institution, and that as a newly Free Vortex, they have full Power to levy ChatBattles, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Regularity, and to do all other Acts and Things which a Vortex may of right do. — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Modly Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Cookies, and our sacred AwesomeSauce. The Government Welcome to the Orwellian Nightmare of the vortex >:). This Iron-Fist Despotism that reigns over these lands is of absolute authority, not to be questioned, and it never falters. At the moment, we don’t know who you are, and we don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, we can tell you we have trillions, but you aren’t getting a penny. But what we do have are a very particular set of skills; skills we and our agents have acquired over very long careers. Skills that make us a nightmare for people like you. If you do not succumb to our awesome power, we will look for you, we will find you, and we will kill you. -The Government Press Corps *'Supreme Leader':................................Azurebalmung *'Village Elder':.......................................GHEZ119 *'Psychotic Enforcer':............................Cryptosporidian *'Master of Phail:'...................................Kynosaur *'ArchDuke of Anarchy:'.......................Sojyn *'Lobbyist'..............................................Supersmash *'The Governor:'....................................Orangeeater *'Grand Poobah'....................................Omegagamr *'Secret Police Head:'............................Agent 86 *'The Secretary:'....................................Salakzar *'Treasurer:'...........................................Chadworthy *'Ninja:'...................................................Denninja (does not undertake suicide missions) *'Samurai:'.............................................Batillion233 *'Hobo Overlord'....................................Kli1195 *'The Executioner:'................................Alien561 *'Guard of the Treasury:'......................Skywerwolf *'The Facepalm Apprentice'.................Gameinater *'Beast/Original Gangster:'..................JolietJuggalo *'Caffeinated Product Salesman:'.........Theoria *'Village Idiot:'.......................................Izdan This Wiki was created by Cryptosporidian as a dedication to the regulars of the Vortex.